Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Not every day is a success

There are days, when I will get maybe 4 texts, a couple emails and mentions on Facebook that people don't know how I do it.  How do I juggle two kids, house work and still have time to do crafts and fun stuff?  How do I craft with a toddler without burning the house down?  How do I craft with a baby that decides the second I pick up a scrapbook page that it's time to eat?

The truth is, I don't know.  I don't know how some days, everything goes smoothly.  Lucy works quietly on her projects, Dexter plays quietly on the floor and I am able to paint, scrapbook or read.  Maybe it's because this is just what they know.  I started them off young knowing that I have my crafts too, so for them, this is just normal.

But the actuality of this, is that not every day is like this.  Not every day is a breeze.  Not every day is easy.  There are days, such as today, that nothing satisfies either of them.  I could sit with Dexter on my boob, Lucy in my lap, reading a book, watching a movie while singing songs, and neither of them are happy.  Dexter is mad because Lucy is holding the book so he can't eat it.  But when he takes the book, he is angry he can't eat that and a boob at the same time.  Lucy then gets mad because I have stopped reading, even though she wasn't listening in the first place because she was busy watching The Lorax.  Then there are times when Dexter squirms and fusses to go on the floor but the second I put him down, he screams because he didn't really want to be on the floor, just in theory, but not in reality.

Days such as today, where no amount of food will satisfy either of them.  After a cheese quesadilla, two apples, three chicken fingers, some chips, water, juice and a biscuit, Lucy is still hungry and asking for food.  After a case of puffs, a boob, and 5 oz of purees, Dexter is still clawing at me for more.  And any time I actually get to sit down to eat, they both come ask for some and are relentless until I have only had two bites of my own.  It's a wonder I haven't lost more weight.

It's days such as today, that my greatest inspirations come to me, and I cannot act on them at all.  I have to write notes and ideas down and hope that I remember them tomorrow, or another day when *my* kids have been returned to me from the alien invasion that is currently happening.  And it's days like this, that I understand why some species leave their young in the forest to fend for themselves.  I hate the days when I feel as if all I am doing is taking deep breaths and counting to ten so that I don't blow up because Lucy knocked over yet another glass of water because she was spinning, again, after being told not too, or because I simply have no.clue. what Dexter needs.  I hate the days that I feel I cannot "carpe" the day and wish that I could just crawl back in bed for a do over.  It makes it rough for Matt, because the second he gets home I pass the kids off and hide in the bathroom for as long as I can before someone knocks to find out "what are you doing in there."

So, no, not every day is a breeze and not every day do I get to do fun stuff, but even on rough days like today, there is that small window, that very very small window in time, when Dexter looks at me and smiles, or Lucy comes up and tells me that she loves me, that I know, one day, I will miss even these days.  Because no amounts of crafts or scrapbooking will bring back these moments with my kids, while they are still babies.

Yet, remembering, that one day, I will cherish these days instead of ruing them, as I do now, does not stop me from ending my day with THE largest glass of wine I can possibly pour myself, and hope that tomorrow, please tomorrow, will be better.


3 comments:

  1. <3
    I love it Rando! I know exactly how you feel. Some days it's like I'm a mom-pro, other days I'm a complete mess. Glad to know I'm not alone in this crazy train. :)

    Love Letters 7.10
    http://loveletters710.com

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  2. OMG this is soooo true most days are a normal some days are easy breezy and some days i want to rip my hair out!!! SOOO TRUE!! BTW I love the new colors keep sowdering about!!

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  3. I'm glad I am not alone. Seriously. Somedays I think I'm losing my mind :)

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